2026 - Wk 05 - Notes and Links
Andy's Newslather
I’ve never seen a single Leonardo Di Caprio film.
Ten Things in the News This Week
This headline unintentionally summarizes our era.
That’s dedication to duty: A wedding photographer falls backwards into a pool and keeps taking pictures.
A website campaining to get rid of the weekend. Join the cause, and help the corporations of America. Yes, this is a parody. (So far.)
I understand the need to promote your business, but climbing the Hollywood sign to hang your designer bras on it ain’t the way to go.
Gent makes a wheelie bin that does 106 km/h, or 66 mph, for readers in America and Liberia.
What are you willing to bet that he’s very hard-working?
Xerophilic molds are damaging the precious artworks in the world’s great museums and archives, thriving in low-humidity, tightly sealed storage and damaging everything from textiles and wood to manuscripts and even stone.
The Science of Hi-Fi Audio: Despite great advances in quantifying sound quality, engineers are still struggling to satisfy the subjective ways listeners respond to music.
I read a lot of bad science fiction novels and watched some pretty awful movies as kid. I know better than to do this.
Data this Week
Trends in terrorist financing 2020-2025. Yep, it’s all crypto.
The number of Americans under 50 years old dying from cancer has decreased for every leading cancer except for bowel cancer, which is now the leading cancer death under 50.
Drinking 2+ alcoholic beverages a day nearly doubles the risk of rectal cancer, but the damage appears reversible. Still, why would you drink that way?
Men’s heart attack risk climbs by mid-30s, years before women. Decades-long U.S. study suggests prevention and screening should start earlier in adulthood.
Terry Pratchett’s novels may have held clues to his dementia a decade before diagnosis, our new study suggests. Something similar was observed about Agatha Christie.
Science and Tech this Week
A new study shows that earthquake monitoring networks can track falling space debris by detecting the sonic booms produced during atmospheric reentry.
Some 10,109 doctoral-trained experts in science and related fields left their jobs last year as President Donald Trump cut the overall American federal workforce. That exodus was only three per cent of the 335,192 federal workers who exited last year but represents 14 per cent of the total number of Ph.D.s in science, technology, engineering, and math or health fields.
New filtration technology developed by Rice University may absorb some Pfas ‘forever chemicals’ at 100 times the rate than previously possible.
So, when’s the next Bioshock, already?
Cancer may protect against Alzheimer’s.
A coming comedy game about doing tech support for a company loaded with eldrich horrors. Just close tickets, man.
France will replace the American platforms Microsoft Teams and Zoom with its own domestically developed video conferencing platform, which will be used in all government departments by 2027, the country said.
A password guesser. Based on a 2025 paper, it uses LLMs to target specific users based on their personal information. You can run it on your local computer.
Some black holes may not be the results of a burned out stars.
Artificial Intelligence
DuckDuckGo recently asked its users how they felt about AI in search. More than 90% said Christ! No.
People trust medical advice from AI, even when it’s suggesting leeches and trepanation.
Is art the last place where creative egos make a stand against AI? In related news, writing fiction for the era of the algorithm, by someone who seems very self-satisfied with the length of his paragraphs.
Court documents unsealed last week in a copyright lawsuit against Anthropic reveal that the AI company ran an operation called “Project Panama” to buy millions of physical books, slice off their spines, scan the pages to train its Claude chatbot, and then send the remains to recycling companies.
Experts warn of threat to elections from ‘AI bot swarms’ infesting social media.
Report: The risks of AI in schools outweigh the benefits.
Google’s search feature AI Overviews cites YouTube more than any medical website when answering health-related queries.
How often do AI chatbots lead users down harmful paths?
Googles AI news headlines get the stories wrong.
The Trump administration is planning to use AI to write federal transportation regulations.
A narcissist’s brother describes how a chatbot has become a source of infinite adoration for the man. And, I’ll leave this other link here, just for fun.
Trump’s acting cyber chief uploaded sensitive files into a public version of ChatGPT.
A former Google engineer has been found guilty for stealing the tech giant’s trade secrets on artificial intelligence to benefit Chinese companies.
One-third of U.S. video game industry workers say they were laid off over the past two years, according to a new survey conducted by the organizers behind the newly revamped Game Developers Conference. More good news: Shares of videogame companies fell sharply in afternoon trading on Friday after Google rolled out its artificial intelligence model capable of creating interactive digital worlds with simple prompts. An example of a prompt might be ‘Make Half-Life 3 already.’
Infographics
The scale of stellar objects.
Where are insurance companies dropping homeowners in the US? Here’s a hint: it rhymes with shlimate range.
Ten infographics you may find interesting.
Resources
A tool to check if your flight layover is too tight/risky.
A web site for sending bithday wishes. Fart-based birthday wishes.
A tool to help decide when you can dry your clothes on a line outside. Probably not much use in Scotland.
Viewing Pleasure
This week’s comedy clip: I finally found it again after seeing this a few years ago. This is a Swedish action comedy short about how even the criminal underworld is struggling with unemployment, and the need to fill out work experience paperwork for the government.
Why debunking Flat Earth mania on social media matters.
Some install train horns in their Miatas. Like I will.
You are being misled about renewable energy technology.
The 1988 BBC TV version of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. The thing is, if you think about it, when Lucy meets Mr Tumnus next to the street light, that kind of implies there’s a public utility commission somewhere.
Drag races last four seconds. The engines are rebuilt in an hour between heats.
How to protect yourself from Long Range Acoustic crowd control devices. Here’s how to build one.
Listening Pleasure
The theme to Robocop in a Spaghetti Western style.
Someone said the silent part out loud.
History’s most mysterious manuscripts.
What is Gaslighting, actually?
Tales of the Unexpected
Unintended consequences and correlations
Hard problems are still hard: There are tools that change and work that doesn’t.
U.S. life expectancy rose to a record high of 79 years in 2024, an increase of six months from the previous year. Why? A sharp decline in deaths from COVID-19 and drug overdoses. Guess what? The population also fell. The conclusion is left as an excercise for the student.
Washington has a s*** storm. Literally.
158 scientists used the same data, but their politics predicted the results.
Popular lyrics keep getting darker and dumber, but there was a surprising shift during the first Trump presidency.
You need icebreakers to get to Greenland, which the US does not make.
Crazy Crime
Only in America: Man shot after refusing to share chips.
Florida Man arrested for exposing himself in public and fornicating with a vacuum.
Elderly lottery winner used his lotter winnings to finance a drug empire making pills from his cottage.
Suburban Chicago man asked neighbor to hangout, was turned down so he naturally returned with a machete.
Albany defendant on the run after ‘affixing’ ankle monitor to dog.
Man charged with burglary after eating pulled pork.
Speaking of pork, a teen was arrested for allegedly assaulting her mum with a pork chop. Alcohol may have been a factor.
When buying flowers and sweets for the stripper, don’t pay with countrefeit bills.
Strange Headlines
Doctors find giant bladder stone stuck to eyeliner in man’s bum.
The sluts will save us!
Russia recruits drunk villagers from the north as cannon fodder on the Ukrainian front.
Man registers a potato as a pistor silencer.
San Francisco ends $5M alcohol delivery program to alcoholics.
This Ugandan general claims to be descended from Jesus. He wants prove it by threatening to castrate at least opposition politician.
Saudi Arabia is preparing to significantly scale back the incredibly dumb idea of building a city in a straight line in the middle of the desert.
Project 2025: What America needs is Maoism.
Stuff
Linguistic goof of the Week: I am looking to buy Canadian-made snipers. EDIT: I meant slippers. Slippers.
From the A-List Archives: Funny but painful charts.
Weird Wiki: Umarell - Old men who stand and watch construction and roadworks.
Tepid Dystopia
Asbestos was found in children’s play sand in the UK.
Germany warns its citizens against travel to a dangerous country. Guess which one?
Farmers in Uzbekistan say land forcibly taken for ‘Chinese Projects’.
While Carney has been cheered, his government is trying to slip something dumb and disturbing into a very large bill.
EU tries to cut the last of its ties to Russian energy as old contracts end. In related news, UK shipping company helped Russia raise $3.2 billion in LNG trade revenue in 2025, campaigners say
UK Home Secretary proposes a state surveillance system that would make the STASI green with envy.
Career pressure – not ideology – causes military officers to protect or overthrow dictators. New research from the Department of Political Science shows that ambition and anxiety can transform ‘ordinary men’ into the regime’s ruthless henchmen – or into those who bury the regime.
US Private prisons are cashing in in the era of ICE.
Conflict Studies
An analysis of the Russian Invasion, war, and its costs, the numbers, et cetera, from the Centre for International Strategic Studies.
Russia has maximum four Oreshnik missiles, plans five per year production – Ukrainian estimates.
Desperation or innovation? And, um, penguin costumes?
China’s J-36 photographed for the first time. Someone’s gonna be off to the reeducation camps. In related news, there’s a new Chinese Maritime Drone: UB1 Shark-10.
Replacing Russia’s strategic bomber fleet may prove difficult.
The Kremlin now openly frames Russia’s population decline as a strategic challenge, driven by war losses, the flight of young professionals, and a continuing drop in birth rates.
No cash for salaries: Ukrainian intel exposes crisis in Russian regions.
Ukrainian Flamingo missiles hit Russian fighter jet plant.
‘I didn’t know how to shoot’: how African men have been tricked into fighting for Russia. Also, workers from Bangladesh.
A charity helping musicians and organizing music fundraisers in Ukraine.
Twilight Struggle
Poland’s energy grid was targeted by never-before-seen wiper malware.
Documents from the Uzbekistan Post are used to mail shipments to Russia, even though the Uzbek postal service is not authorized to operate in Germany.
Does the Pentagon Pizza theory hold up as OSINT?
Canada poised to name its first foreign interference commissioner.
China hacked Downing Street phones of senior government members, including aides to Boris Johnson and Rishi Sunak.
Also this week, China’s top general was sacked. Spying allegations to follow, no doubt.
People Watching
I was a hostage negotiator for 10 years - this is what it taught me about parenting.
125 Australian slang words and phrases.
Whether the marketing genius fixed the paper jam is lost to history.
The weird and wonderful fashions of Miami in the 1970s.
A photographer captured the American south from the booths of Waffle House restaurants.
Post of the Week
For the record, I don’t write these.
I have been faking deep sleep for four years just so my wife can fart freely, and I think I’m dying.
I (29M) have been married to my wife (28F) for four years. She is, without exaggeration, the most beautiful, elegant, and poised woman I have ever met. She’s the type of person who doesn’t sweat; she “glows.” She crosses her legs at the ankles. She says “excuse me” to inanimate objects when she bumps into them.
But beneath this veneer of class lies a dark secret. My wife is a biological weapon.
When we first started dating, I noticed she would get stomach aches. She’d get quiet, tense, and then excuse herself to the bathroom for long periods. I thought she had IBS. I was worried.
Then, about six months in, I woke up in the middle of the night. I didn’t move. And then I heard it.
It wasn’t a toot. It wasn’t a squeak. It was a long, low, resonant trumpet blast that vibrated the mattress springs. It sounded like a tuba player falling down a flight of stairs.
And then, a sigh of pure, unadulterated relief from her side of the bed.
Why can’t soldiers use reactive armour, like on tanks?
I realized then: She holds it in. All day. Every day. She is a pressurized vessel of methane, waiting for the cover of darkness.
Being the loving partner I am, I decided to never embarrass her. If I let her know I heard the midnight symphonies, she’d go back to holding it in and being in pain. So, I developed a strategy.
Every night, about 10 minutes after we turn off the lights, I perform “The Signal.” I do a few heavy breaths, a little twitch, and then I start a soft, rhythmic snoring.
It works like a charm. It’s like blowing the All-Clear horn at a factory.
The moment I start my fake snoring, the gates of hell open.
It’s not just the sound. It’s the sheer volume. I don’t understand how a woman of her size (she is 5’3” and petite) can store this much gas. It defies physics. It’s like she has a TARDIS in her colon—it’s bigger on the inside.
Here is the problem: It is escalating.
Last night was the breaking point. We had Mexican food for dinner. I knew the risks. I prepared myself. I did The Signal.
She unleashed a gust so foul, so pungent, that I genuinely thought the dog had pooped on the pillow. My eyes were watering. I wanted to cough. I wanted to pull the duvet over my head, but I couldn’t, because that would break the illusion of my deep slumber.
I had to lay there, mouth slightly open (for realism), marinating in the fumes of a thousand digested beans, while she let out a three-stage fart that sounded like a dirt bike struggling to start
And the worst part? She cuddled up to me right after. She was the little spoon. She backed her crime scene right into my lap and fell asleep instantly, peaceful as an angel, while I stared into the dark, trying to shallow-breathe my way to survival.
I can never tell her. I have committed too hard to the bit. I am the guardian of her dignity. I am the silent observer of the gas. But god help me, if she ever finds out I’ve been awake this whole time, I think she’ll actually kill me out of shame.
Quotes found On-Line
Nothing builds character like rereading a message after you’ve sent it.
Butter isn’t the only reason… but it’s absolutely the ringleader of the flavor crime ring.
I’m convinced he truly sees Putin as some kind of surrogate father figure. And of course the more Putin keeps him at arms length while dropping morsels of approval, the more he fits the model of the distant father that Trump expects, and the more he becomes attached.
Watching Melania’s journey from Slovenian prostitute to First Lady is like walking barefoot in a field of Lego while you have explosive diarrhea.
I asked every single person at my work under the age of 35 and not one single person knew who Johnny [Carson] was. I said he was probably in the background when they were conceived. They didn’t get it…
As long as I live, I don’t think I’ll get over this pure, dumb fact: Trump told his fans he had to blow up the liberal order because it was the only way to secure the very benefits the liberal order was already bringing us.
It was 458 Miles from the Shire to Rivendell, on foot, no shoes, with only Bill the pony to help carry bags, the majority of which was not on a road. That’s like walking from Southampton to Glasgow.
Comedian Sam Kinison, when he called Betty Ford to go to Rehab for coke, when they told him it was $20k. “If I had $20k, I wouldn’t be going to rehab!”
The best-case scenario for a Post-Trump America is nostalgia. ‘Let’s all go back to how things were.’ That’s not happening.
Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, feast upon their chicken nuggets.
Party’s over, music’s stopped, and somebody’s gotta pay the midget.
My abusive stepfather made the best salsa. I’ve reclaimed the recipe as my own.
Typically, we don’t say “caliber” when referring to metric measurements: 9mm, 5.56mm, etc. Caliber is usually only used when referring to imperial measurements, which are expressed in terms of of 100ths of an inch, so .30 Caliber is .3 inches, .38 is .38 inches, and .50 caliber is a half an inch.
Toastmasters is some sort of a cult, but I can’t prove it.
I’ve been doing building maintenance for 30 yrs - this (Scarface) is the most popular poster of college-aged boys. I’ve actually seen a tenant move out & this same poster pinned up in the same spot by the next tenant.
Russia was the Joe Pesci of global politics — making up for its small economic stature by being extra aggressive in its conduct.
Bible study group, and all I could think about is riding him. First off, I blame ovulation and cruel Mother Nature. Second …I should prolly be saying this to God instead. Yep, just had to get it off ma chest. Bye.
There’s a fancy Greek word for this: thumos. It’s the part of human nature that craves recognition. It’s what makes a guy buy a Ferrari when he’s going bald or leads a woman to get breast implants when bits start to sag. And sometimes, thumos causes an entire country to say, ‘Oh, you think we’re weak? We’ll show you weak.’
The TACO cycle: The markets want to price in TACO, but TACO needs Trump to see stocks tank. So we get these cycles where Trump does stuff and nothing happens (because the market has priced in TACO) ... which encourages him to do more stuff until the markets actually thinks he may not TACO and prices start to fall ... which restores TACO.
Artificial selection of the sexual behaviour of ducks probably isn’t going to work by just yelling at them.
An executor should be the person to doesn’t want to do it
My son has created a primitive pillow fort. My daughter, unable to break her way in, has wandered to the kitchen and is eating his half-finished dinner while he screams “NO! MINE!” from behind his walls. I could stop her, but I think it’s important to let children learn important lessons like ‘When the enemy’s fortifications are impregnable, pillage the countryside until starvation forces them out.’
I’m not religious, but I do often thank Jesus for the music made by hairy people between 1967 and 1971.
Too many still mistake white supremacism as something to do with the colour of your skin. It is more akin to the Hindu caste system with those in the highest caste, in this case the global capitalist’s wealthy class, copperfastening their social privilege through ruling class allegiance and politics.
Expensive failures often come from powerful people who couldn’t hear warnings from less powerful ones.
You’re in the middle of resisting fascism, and someone still needs to do laundry.
Fat, Syrup, Salt, Pepto Bismal, Health Insurance. The five basic food groups.
I’d probably poop my pants if I ever encountered an alien.
I only carb my beer with hydrogen sulfide. Every pint comes with a two week hospital stay.
Quite simply, if there was any demand whatsoever for Copilot, they [Microsoft] would sell it as a standalone subscription. Instead, they are shoving it down our throats.
I don’t think it’s the flu; I don’t even have a fireplace.
That’s why fascists hate public gatherings. It gives people a sense of courage they otherwise would not have individually. It’s also why authoritarians use brutality very early in the process of authoritating.
Even when doing something stupid, never lock your knees.
Restaurants don’t just use more fat — they use the right version of fat for the job.
I would happily pay double for a printer if it just worked every time. instead i bought a $60 plastic box that exists solely to sell me $40 ink cartridges.
Bring your daughter to work day has been cancelled because of last year’s incident.
Their shooting at us was, on the whole, quite rude, I thought. But, it was wartime and one must make allowances.
The idea that a sex worker lacks integrity or morality is the most bourgeois notion I’ve heard in the past hour.
My husband hasn’t asked me to be his valentine. He just assumes I will because we’re married. Rude.
These are very foreseeable consequences of their own actions. You’d have to be one of the stupidest morons alive with more medulla oblongata than cerebrum not to see it coming.
I messaged my wife asking how to pick up this heavy box. She texted straight back.
Can humans impregnate fishes? Can males impregnate a fish using our sperms? Gotta be careful nowadays you know
The US is banking on being the coolest person in the room by walking out to make their own party, but it’s getting a rude awakening.
How did people refer to explosive diarrhea before the invention of explosives?
Remember when Joe Biden and everyone said he was too senile to be president? Pepperidge Farms remembers.
Always rub one out before calling your ex.
People who grew up with cement walls in their homes often associate them with privacy and security. Losing that can feel unsettling, even if the place is objectively nice. That reaction is super normal.
Just found out Kenny Loggins and Kenny Rogers aren’t the same person. Devastated.
It’s that time. My daughter suddenly needs a hairbrush with a big handle.
Something was wrong with a paper airplane I made. I threw it, but it just hovered in one spot like a helicopter. Then it hit me. Instead of plain paper, I had used stationery by mistake.
If you’re ever feeling bad about your penis size, just remember it’s bigger than roughly 50 per cent of the population. That’s because ~50 per cent of the population are women.
Investors’ expectation that Trump will always chicken out means that he has to do crazier and crazier things each time in order to cause the kind of financial market reaction that will make him pull back:
Americans are concerned about climate change, but are reasonably assured that climate change is going to be something that happens to some other guy who isn’t them.
Actor James Garner was wounded twice while serving in combat during the Korean War as a rifleman with the 5th Regimental Combat Team. He received two Purple Hearts: first, from shrapnel in his face and hand, and second, after being hit in the buttocks divingin by friendly fire from a U.S. jet.
I’m really glad fruit doesn’t pulsate.
Marketing claims to be testing, but I’m a statistician, and can tell the difference between testing and a monkey yanking levers.
When the Russian Invasion of Ukraine is over, or at least frozen, Ukraine will probably dominate the consumer, industrial and military drone industry.
My kitty is apparently in heat. I’ve never seen behavior this unhinged before, except for that one time when Spock hijacked the Enterprise and took it back to his home planet just so that he could date another Vulcan.
My OB-Gyn is at the age where he looks a bit like Leslie Neilson, and I keep epecting him to be funny.
Replacing Gregory Bovino with Tom Homan is like s***ing your pants then changing your shirt.
I passionately love the smell of cleaning products.
I’ve heard a theory that China only allows TikTok overseas in order to weaken the West through distraction, while its own domestic version serves educational content.
For a US deterrence strategy to be effective, we need Xi Jinping to be surrounded by competent generals who will give him objective advice.
Why does it feel like “Middle Class” now just means “I have a salary but I still check my bank account before buying grapes”?
Right now I’m getting along really well with my boss. That clearly means that labor and anti-slavery laws are not needed and I can negotiate terms directly with my employer because they are so nice and benevolent!
35 years ago, I was a Finnish student in Canada. I was a bit surprised that Canadians felt geopolitical similarity with Finns. But over time I got it: it’s living next to a superpower whose values you can’t accept.
The amount of face tattoos I’ve been seeing has me really concerned for society.
What the world needs to understand is that the US has a political system of checks and balances. Okay, these are not working that well at the moment, I grant you, but for 250 years, these have done okay. As long as you weren’t Latino or Black, but pretty good. Or a woman. Or first nations.
Overachievers perform feeling bad about themselves by using PR companies.
YA novelists whose work mostly involves adding sodomy to Harry Potter frequently rally their followers to send rivals into the mental hospital for 72-hour suicide holds.
‘Plain’ does not mean simple to make.
Memory is a crazy woman who hoards colored rags and throws away food - Austin O’Malley.
I get extremely impatient with narratives about how we’ve all been ‘feminized’ (whatever that means) or we’ve been deprived of a chance to be as tough as our ancestors or whatever. You are aware that you’re allowed to climb a mountain or sail a boat on the open ocean if you want? You are aware you can easily get a tag that allows you to hunt various animals with a bow and arrow and drag the carcass out by hand? No one is stopping you from doing hard, archetypally masculine things, player.
Magnificent Memes
Bon Mots
Funny Photos
